December 14, 2012

Some days just stink

Normally I wouldn't throw my feelings out there quite as freely as I feel like doing today.  I don't like for people to know that I am sad.  At least people in general.  I don't mind for the ones I love the most to know.  They are the ones that can truly help me feel better.  But today is rough.  Some of the most dearest people I know are gathered right now for the funeral of one of the coolest people I ever knew.  This guy sat outside my office at Riverside and every day I was at work we would sign back and forth to each other.  He had the biggest smile on the planet.

I would give my right foot to be in Idaho right now.

And my left pinkie.

I have thought alot about Riverside today.  I never went back.  I have had one lunch date with my old boss.  The day I left there a part of my heart was ripped out and I just could never go back.  It was just too hard.  There are so many people that I miss and I loved the work that I did.  I miss feeling like I am doing something getting things accomplished. (I love being a mom but let us all remember that being a mom is like running in a circle sometimes.  The only thing that keeps me sane is knowing that my cute little kids are growing up strong and smart and happy)

I was so young and so stupid.  There are some people I know hated me. I hope there were people that liked me despite my lack of experience. Being a manager was really hard.  I remember the previous manager came in and I was just sitting with this pink eraser rubbing it like a crazy person staring out the window wondering what the heck I had gotten myself into.  She was a great help.

There is one person I wish I could talk to.  We did not get along at all and she told me strait to my face that she did not like me.  Yes.  She was not perfect, but I really shouldn't have focused on her weaknesses.  Because she had so many strengths.  If I could talk to her one more time I would say that I was sorry.  And that she was right.  I was not tolerant.  I was not accepting.  And she hates me because of it.  If I can help it I will never act that way again.

Riverside taught me many things.  I feel like I really grew as a person.  I feel blessed to know I will see my friend again.  I know he is in heaven.  I know he is happy.  And I bet he is hugging David right now.  I know I will see him again.  That will be a great moment.  And I can tell him that I'm sorry for leaving and never coming back.

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