Normally I wouldn't throw my feelings out there quite as freely as I feel like doing today. I don't like for people to know that I am sad. At least people in general. I don't mind for the ones I love the most to know. They are the ones that can truly help me feel better. But today is rough. Some of the most dearest people I know are gathered right now for the funeral of one of the coolest people I ever knew. This guy sat outside my office at Riverside and every day I was at work we would sign back and forth to each other. He had the biggest smile on the planet.
I would give my right foot to be in Idaho right now.
And my left pinkie.
I have thought alot about Riverside today. I never went back. I have had one lunch date with my old boss. The day I left there a part of my heart was ripped out and I just could never go back. It was just too hard. There are so many people that I miss and I loved the work that I did. I miss feeling like I am doing something getting things accomplished. (I love being a mom but let us all remember that being a mom is like running in a circle sometimes. The only thing that keeps me sane is knowing that my cute little kids are growing up strong and smart and happy)
I was so young and so stupid. There are some people I know hated me. I hope there were people that liked me despite my lack of experience. Being a manager was really hard. I remember the previous manager came in and I was just sitting with this pink eraser rubbing it like a crazy person staring out the window wondering what the heck I had gotten myself into. She was a great help.
There is one person I wish I could talk to. We did not get along at all and she told me strait to my face that she did not like me. Yes. She was not perfect, but I really shouldn't have focused on her weaknesses. Because she had so many strengths. If I could talk to her one more time I would say that I was sorry. And that she was right. I was not tolerant. I was not accepting. And she hates me because of it. If I can help it I will never act that way again.
Riverside taught me many things. I feel like I really grew as a person. I feel blessed to know I will see my friend again. I know he is in heaven. I know he is happy. And I bet he is hugging David right now. I know I will see him again. That will be a great moment. And I can tell him that I'm sorry for leaving and never coming back.