Ug Puke Splat

I have had alot of thoughts lately.  Frustrating thoughts.  Figuring out how I feel thoughts.  Like every day I want to get on facebook and just like yell.  Let's take it back a couple of years

The LDS church is seriously going at it in California with poposition 8.  I am still at the point in my life where I don't know anyone gay or lesbian.  And I haven't even thought about same-sex marraige.
I figure it's probably not a great idea.  And then move on.

 A while later my uncle dies and my parents go out to the funeral in Nebraska.  His partner is asked by my aunt or mom (my mom doesn't remember how it came up) how he feels about same-sex marraige.  He states that it is wrong.  That marriage is between a man and a woman.  The bible clearly states that.  So now I'm thinking.  Okay.  If my gay uncle thinks it is wrong then well okay.  I think it is wrong too.

An even longer while later.  I really start to figure out where I stand politically on alot of issues and come to find that I identify much more with liberitarians than anyone else.  I just want the governement out of my life and people should be able to make their own choices and have to live with their own concequences.  If someone wants to be in a same-sex relationship they should be able to have all the rights of any other person.

And not long after that everyday I get on facebook there is an article or a status about gay marriage why it's bad, mostly why it's good.  And mostly people getting ticked off at anyone who thinks that the traditional definition of marrage should be upheld.  And then begins the conflict within myself.

So as far as I can tell this is why people want marraige to be extended to gays and lesbians.

1.  So that they can claim their taxes just like any other married couple.
2.  So that they have rights to each other's medical situations.
3.  So that their families can have whatever they build together.
4.  This one I am not so sure about.  Maybe I am wrong.  They want to have an outward expression of their love towards one another.
5.  And other legal things that I am not aware of because.  Well.  I'm not well versed in the law.  Or insurance.  Or medical stuff.

So here is why I can tell people don't want same sex marriage

1.  They want to keep the family unit strong.  Raising kids with a mom and a dad makes the most sense and people feel that the break-down of the family is one of the major causes of our societies problems.
2.  People are nervous about change.
3.  People are mean and homophobic.
4. People feel like marraige is a sacered thing.  And it's an abomination for to people who are the same sex to well.  Have sex. So it is basically taking what many deam sacred and stomping all over it.


So there you go.  That is what I have figured out. Mabey I missed something.  I don't mind if anyone sets me strait, but this is what I have concluded.

-I have never thought that acting on same sex impulses is okay.  It is a sin. 
-I love people who smoke and drink and have sex outside of marrage all of which I deam to be sins.  I love people who are gay. 
- I don't think that homosexuals can just change the way they feel.   They are honestly attracted to those of their same gender and it is extreemly hard to over come even if they want to.
-The family unit is important to me.  I am one of those people who feel (know) that most of our societies problems come from the breakdown of the family.  Too many babies are being born to unwedded parents and living in single homes.  They aren't being taught their ABC's and they aren't being taught any morals.  Then they become adults and start the process all over again.  A kid has the best chance in life when they have a mom and a dad.  You learn how to navigate life best when you have those two elements. There are things my dad taught me that my mom never could. I am not saying that a person can be successful if they come from a single parent home.  I am just say thing that it is easier.  And life is hard enough. 
-Marraige is sacred to me.  It is sacred to God. 

So basically I feel like everyone is just pitted against each other.  And I have to ask is there no way that we can all be satisfied?  Is there no way that gay people can get what they want and traditional religious people can get what they want?  Someone very smart told me once that often times people get so focused on fixing a problem that they can't see an easy solution that is sitting right in front of their faces.  There is a solution sitting in front of our faces but both sides need to be willing to talk about what they want without calling one side "perverted sinners" and the other side "bigots".   

Some days just stink

Normally I wouldn't throw my feelings out there quite as freely as I feel like doing today.  I don't like for people to know that I am sad.  At least people in general.  I don't mind for the ones I love the most to know.  They are the ones that can truly help me feel better.  But today is rough.  Some of the most dearest people I know are gathered right now for the funeral of one of the coolest people I ever knew.  This guy sat outside my office at Riverside and every day I was at work we would sign back and forth to each other.  He had the biggest smile on the planet.

I would give my right foot to be in Idaho right now.

And my left pinkie.

I have thought alot about Riverside today.  I never went back.  I have had one lunch date with my old boss.  The day I left there a part of my heart was ripped out and I just could never go back.  It was just too hard.  There are so many people that I miss and I loved the work that I did.  I miss feeling like I am doing something getting things accomplished. (I love being a mom but let us all remember that being a mom is like running in a circle sometimes.  The only thing that keeps me sane is knowing that my cute little kids are growing up strong and smart and happy)

I was so young and so stupid.  There are some people I know hated me. I hope there were people that liked me despite my lack of experience. Being a manager was really hard.  I remember the previous manager came in and I was just sitting with this pink eraser rubbing it like a crazy person staring out the window wondering what the heck I had gotten myself into.  She was a great help.

There is one person I wish I could talk to.  We did not get along at all and she told me strait to my face that she did not like me.  Yes.  She was not perfect, but I really shouldn't have focused on her weaknesses.  Because she had so many strengths.  If I could talk to her one more time I would say that I was sorry.  And that she was right.  I was not tolerant.  I was not accepting.  And she hates me because of it.  If I can help it I will never act that way again.

Riverside taught me many things.  I feel like I really grew as a person.  I feel blessed to know I will see my friend again.  I know he is in heaven.  I know he is happy.  And I bet he is hugging David right now.  I know I will see him again.  That will be a great moment.  And I can tell him that I'm sorry for leaving and never coming back.

Finding Positivity in a Negativity Situation

So it turns out that most people could do without the occasional political jab or negative comment on social media.  Just today I saw at least 3 comments in my feed telling people to kindly stop it. (And if those people read this I don't mean this to be a slap on the wrist.  We have all thought the same thing at one point or another.)  That got me seriously wondering who is wrong in this situation.

Is it the optimist or the complainer.  The political bloviater  or political intolerant.  Well it turns out that none of us are perfect so case closed.

  If you don't want to hear it don't listen.  If you don't want to read it then go to a different web sight.  Most importantly of all, if you see a string of negative comments from a person that is a red flag that they might just need help! Send them a personal message.  Give them a compliment.  If you live within walking or driving distance of them take them cookies for heavens sake!  These types of things can take a negativity type situation and turn it into a positivity one.  That's right people.  I said it weird for a reason.

Yes.  I get that we are supposed to cut out the negative people in our lives.  Wait no I said that wrong.  We should cut out the negativity in our life.  Sometimes that means cutting a poisonous person off, other times it means helping a friend or neighbor through a difficult life experience.  You could change a person's life for the better.  How awesome is that?

As for the political bloviaters.  Give them a break.  They put up with posts about kids pooping in the potty all the time. :)  

When a woman is way too bored.

Wednesday was brutally boring.  The dishes were done, the dinner was in the crocpot and the kids played outside all afternoon.

It is not good when a woman gets bored because that means that most liking something is going to antiqued.  I don't know how to antique so apparently I needed to find another outlet.  I decided I wanted my hair out of my eyes so I went in the bathroom to check things out.  I pulled off some crazy twisty thing and wanted to know what it looked like from the back.  That was when I saw it.  My hair was super crooked.  So I pulled out the scissors.

I have had long and short and medium hair and could care less what length it is just so long as I don't have to go to a hair dresser and it looks moderately good.  I think the only reason why it ever gets long is because I hate to get my hair cut.  More than that I hate to pay someone to cut my hair.  So I am left with 3 options:

1- Let it grow and ignore the ugly dead ends and put it in a pony tail all the time.
2- Let my friend Monica Cut it.  (she is not a professional but after receiving a few bad hair cuts in the beginning she can really pull off a good "do" nowadays.")
3- Cut it myself.

That's right people.  I didn't stutter.  I said "Cut it myself".

Today......  I was bored.  This is what happened.

Woops!  I think I got in a bit over my head.  So after a quick call to my husband to come home from work I headed out to have a professional take a go at it.  This is what I ended up with.

So I got some bangs too.  Which I think once my hair gets past that annoying "I just got a hair cut" phase I am really going to like it. Plus a ponytail is way cute with bangs.  And I pony alot!

Win!!!

I guess it does pay to be crazy every once and awhile!

Book Review- Shiver- Maggie Stiefvater

Grace and Sam share a kinship so close they could be lovers or siblings. But they also share a problem. When the temperature slips towards freezing, Sam reverts to his wolf identity and must retreat into the woods to protect his pack. He worries that eventually his human side will fade away and he will be left howling alone at the lonely moon. A stirring supernatural teen romance.


This was a weird read for me.  At first it was really corny, but I just kept pushing on.  Then it got slightly interesting.  There were a few references to a cure for the wolves.  I thought that would be really interesting if they  did find a cure because I have never heard of that happening in a werewolf story.  There were mushy oooie gooie romancyness moments all over the place.  Not much action and the story moved really slowly.  


I really thought I was going to make it through this book, but then three fourths of the way through Grace and Sam had sex.  At that moment it was done for me.  I know that sex is like a real world thing and that kids do it.  It doesn't mean I have to choose to read about it.  It wasn't graphic.  It just made the book not worth reading anymore.  Not to mention every once and awhile there was deity cursing. If that is even how you describe it.  


So I give it

Hi. I'm a recovering quitter.

Whatever this guy in the picture was feeling right before he jumped off this cliff best describes how I felt last week every time I sat down to the piano.  Let's back up a bit so you can understand completely.

I have a bad history of quitting.  In my teenage years I began running track.  Which I then quit so that I could play volleyball.  But then volleyball conflicted with softball so I of course quit volleyball.  And to finish off my circle of ridiculousness I quit softball.  For track.  I should have stuck with track.  If I had I might of had a ticket booked for London right now.  I could say that I had wonderful reasons for quitting so many times.  In the beginning I'm sure that my motives were pure, however, in the end I'm certain that I chose track because there were good-looking boys with their shirts off half the time.  Multi-gender overnight trips.  Need I say more?  What is ironic was that I never quit basketball.  It was the season I dreaded the most and had to work the hardest at. Maybe  I never quit because the only sport it conflicted with was cheerlearding.  And is that really a sport anyway?? (By the way.  It was the other way around in this case.  I quit cheerleading for Basketball.)

There were not many things growing up that I had to work extraordinarily hard for but  I always longed to know how to play the piano.  Turns out I am not a natural.  Though I wanted to play I never put in the time to practice.  I never really stopped playing the piano, but I only took lessons for a couple of years.  Because I quit.

Fast forward to the present.  I got a very unexpected opportunity to accompany some girls in church.  I figured the song was only three lines long if I couldn't do it,  I was just plain lame.  So I said yes.  Which lead to "getting ready to jump off a cliff feeling" every time I sat down to practice.

I had never accompanied anyone or even played the piano in church. I knew there were people who I could ask 5 minutes before the girls were going to sing, and they could walk up and do it no problem.  I wanted to just quit.  I was way stressed out and wondered if it really mattered if I pawned it off.

Today I am officially a recovering quitter.  I did it.  I played that song, I messed up a couple of times, and I just kept going.  And it felt good. When it was over.

 And if you please.  Don't ever ask me to do it again.